Tuesday, 07 April 2009
-
Currently
I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day
By Julie Doiron
see relatedNearing the end of my undergrad degree--it's quiet, stepping over to the edge of the dark chasm, the only thing I can see, and yet the sight of it really provides no answer.
The only answers I've received really as to where I should be placing my ideas and energy have come via negativa--that is, things that I have been rejected from or, perhaps more positively, confirmed against. Perhaps this season of life necessitates for me that kind of knowledge. I have, for the most part received a lot of positive affirmation and build-up from God and His people the last year and a half or so, so it could be that I am standing at the trailhead of another dark night. But I'm not so sure. It doesn't feel like one of those trailhead moments, at the moment.
The really interesting thing is, being away and in the city in BC, and coming back here to rural Alberta is that the painful places and people I otherwise wanted to be free of do not bother me at all anymore. The most shock I have had has been just that, shock at seeing someone who used to have power over me solely by their presence, and not care at all. Shock that they still exisited and I was not troubled.
Since I did not get the position fighting fires with Aaron, I have the option of taking my job back in Three Hills with the county, or going to BC and taking my chances with the economy. I want to make a faithful choice, but I want faith to coexist with what I think is the metanarrative, at least the bit of it I can see. I mean that I don't think it would be good stewardship of my time to head back to BC and then be unemployed all summer, even if by chance I could see Aaron a few times a week. Especially since we plan on getting married, and I owe around $14,000 to the government from my degree. I can't expect to have a summer of love and not end up schlepping responsibility on Aaron somehow to pay my debt off.
There's always this dichotomy--living in faith or reason--and I think in some ways I create this schism myself. Because reason and faith must coexist to be an integral thinking human.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to trainhopper's Xanga Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in trainhopper's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (2)
Good call on the Julie Doiron.
Thanks friend. These are strange times in our lives. I think debt is overrated and people should learn to subsist off the land and one another instead of money. Bread shouldn't have to be won, just baked you know? Someday we should all get together and found a community of mutual subsistence. I'm praying for you too.
Good luck finding a job!
I know the dark chasm - It's a weird feeling to finally be done with school (okay, not counting grad school). But it feels good.
I hope you continue to get positive building up from God and his people. Someday when I get back up to that continent I'll have to go looking for you.